How to Have the “What Are We?” Conversation

It is amazing how dating becomes interesting when everything feels so natural. You have constant conversations, make plans, exchange personal information, and, finally, become an integral part of each other’s lives. However, there comes a moment when a certain question appears in your head: “What are we?”

Some relationships progress in different ways. There are cases when couples become exclusive by nature, not talking about it. Others might want things to be clear within the relationship.

Therefore, if there is uncertainty about each person’s expectations, it would be wise to discuss them.

 

 1: Figure Out What You Want First

 

Take some time before having a “who are we” discussion to think about what you really want.

Ask yourself questions such as:

•         Am I seeking an exclusive relationship?
•         Am I okay with staying casual?
•         Am I curious about where we stand in terms of other dating or hookups?
•         Am I ready to see if there is anything serious here?
•         What should I learn to be sure about going ahead?

There is nothing wrong in knowing what you want. You don’t have to know everything about your future romantic life, but you should at least have an idea of what you want to discover.

Considering your personal boundaries regarding relationships before the conversation may also be helpful.

 

2. Pick Your Timing Wisely

 

Timing can make a huge impact on the way you have your “what are we” talk.

Don’t bring up the subject when you are arguing, right after you have been intimate, or when one or both of you are running somewhere. It is much better to discuss it when you have time to relax.

You don’t always have to plan out a meeting specifically for this purpose. Just having a chat over a cup of coffee can do it.

The idea is to give yourself an atmosphere where no one is cornered.

 

3. Begin With Your Experience

 

And if ever you feel as if you have a problem knowing where to begin, perhaps you could open up to them.

Here’s an example of how you could start, though:

“Getting to know you has been a pleasure for me, and I think that we’ve come closer. I would like to know how you perceive our relationship.”

In such a way, it becomes possible to begin an open dialogue without putting the person on trial.

Speaking about your experience may also help to establish a more personal tone in communication.

 

4. State the Question Precisely

 

Sometimes, in trying to create a comfortable atmosphere, one gets confused about what the question should really be.

One does not have to worry about how to express oneself.

Some examples of questions are as follows:

•         “What do you think about our relationship?”
•         “Is there anything special about how we relate to each other?”
•         “Do you see us going forward in any serious way?”
•         “Are we an exclusive couple?”
•         “How would you characterize our relationship?”

There is no ideal way to conduct a “what are we?” talk.

The best question is the one that describes the reality of your situation.

 

5. Listen to their Answer

 

It takes a lot of courage to know why we are. It is equally important that we learn to listen.

The person may have expectations similar to or different from those we have in mind for ourselves. They may require more time to reach a conclusion, or have a type of relationship in mind that is totally unexpected to us.

Be non-defensive and allow them to state what they have to say. Note that it need not always be an absolute response.

 

6. Do Not Make It a Questioning Process

 

Conversations in relationships must never be similar to an interview.

Do not ask many questions intended to make them answer in a certain way. On the contrary, let the conversation flow freely.

You may discuss:

•         How frequently you both want to meet
•         Whether you are seeing someone else
•         What exclusivity means for you
•         Whether you want to make it official
•         What kind of relationship you expect from it
•         Where you see it going in the future

It is important to get the message across without forcing anything.

People who like meeting new friends through talking find that even virtual talks help prepare them to express themselves.

 

7. Be Ready for an Unpredictable Reaction

 

One of the hardest parts of joining the debate on “what are we” is comprehending that you cannot predict the reaction.

It could be that they desire a committed relationship. They could be interested in a more relaxed relationship. They may not be clear on what they feel. Or they may need some time to reflect.

What matters is seeing this as an opportunity for gaining an understanding of the other person’s position.

This will help you in making your own decision.

 

8. Look at the Broader Context

 

Sometimes, confusion about the connection may be caused by factors unrelated to it.

Someone may continue talking to their ex because of children, business, or other commitments, but that does not say anything about how they feel about the new connection.

In such cases, where you have an ex involved, navigating dating might help provide extra context.

The key point here is to discuss the circumstances openly rather than make assumptions.

 

9. Don’t Rush to Define Everything

 

The discussion doesn’t imply that you have to create a thorough agreement about your relationship.

It’s possible to make decisions on each issue one after another.

So you can decide to be monogamous for now and think about something else when needed. The point is to keep enough communication so that neither of you feels like you operate with absolutely different expectations.

When your connection is virtual, you might also need some more personal mode of communication. Cam to cam offers an additional way to talk that is more personal than regular texting.

 

Mistakes You Should Avoid in the “What Are We?” Discussion

 

Although you may have good intentions, some behaviors can complicate this process for you.

Do not:

•         Bring up the topic while you are angry at each other.
•         Fake that you do not mind the outcome of the discussion.
•         Throw your ultimatums before sharing your feelings.
•         Believe that constant texting equals exclusiveness.
•         Compare your partnership with other people’s couples.
•         Force the person to want what you want.
•         Hide from having this talk out of fear of what the answer will be.

The discussion you will have will provide you with many more facts than guessing.

 

Importance of the Discussion

 

“Who are we?” is intimidating since labels imply expectations. However, communication may help both parties understand what they are creating.

There is no need to enter into the discussion with the notion that all your questions will be answered instantly. There might be situations where understanding how you perceive your relationship, rather than your partner’s view of it, will be the greatest success of the conversation.

Understanding enables one to make decisions based on facts.

 

Conclusion

 

This is not an attempt to find words that might best describe the dialogue on “who are we?” but rather an invitation to be totally truthful with each other. Evaluate your needs, select the right time and place, and allow yourselves to be completely candid about your thoughts.

Sometimes the solution will not come at once. The important thing is that both individuals have a chance to figure out the status of their relationship.

A good relationship doesn’t leave you guessing as to what the other person is thinking. In some cases, all it takes is a single question to pave the way to a greater awareness.