How to Know When You’re Being Breadcrumbed

A date itself can be enjoyable, but what if there is a lack of consistent communication from your date?

They might give you lots of attention and communicate all the time, so much so that you actually start thinking that there is something real going on. And then, all of a sudden, they disappear.

When you begin to accept that they have no interest in you, and they reappear with something as small as a message, a compliment, or a flirtation, it is usually a sign that you are being breadcrumbed.

Breadcrumbing involves communicating intermittently with someone to maintain their interest without investing in the relationship.

This form of communication can sometimes serve as motivation but does little to further the relationship.

 

Breadcrumbing Defined

 

What then is breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing is a phenomenon in which one gives attention and affection and chats with someone without any intention of starting a relationship.

By way of illustration, this is like being bombarded with bits of attention, leaving one anticipating more.

This means the individual may choose to message you, flirt with you, say they miss you, or even go out with you. Nevertheless, the dates appear nowhere when you attempt to translate this entire dialogue into dates. Breadcrumbing is also known as ghosting.

 

Signs of Breadcrumbing to Look Out for

 

Breadcrumbing symptoms might not always be clear from the start. Getting one late reply or cancelling a date doesn’t mean that your partner is engaging in breadcrumbing behaviors.

 

They Show Up When You Begin Moving On

 

Another clear pattern is that the person shows up only when they see you moving on.

Maybe you’re no longer initiating conversations because you’re getting sick of waiting for them to act. Then, they reach out and ask how you have been.

You could easily feel that their attention makes you question if they have started showing interest.

But then again, when the same thing happens time after time, it might be wise to think about what will happen when they appear.

 

They Give You Attention Without Progress

 

A person can contact you frequently without really forming any kind of relationship.

Perhaps you’re making jokes, compliments, suggestive comments, or talking at night, but no more than that.

Frustration with breadcrumbing in dating stems from communication that creates the illusion of a relationship.

As you try to communicate without making any headway towards the relationship you want, you might find yourself wondering where the communication is taking you.

 

They Promise Things That Aren’t Clear

 

“I just want to get together some time.”

“I will keep you posted on that.”

“We should really get together sometime.”

These promises don’t automatically mean anything is wrong on their own.

However, there can be an issue with them becoming a pattern.

When someone makes these promises but does not make any concrete plans, it can reveal more than just their promises.

 

Their Interest Is Hot and Cold

 

Inconsistent attention is yet another common characteristic of breadcrumbing.

They could spend an entire night with you, treating you like gold. But then, they get cold to you for days.

And when they come back, it begins all over again.

It’s such a hot-and-cold interest that you end up analyzing their behavior rather than cherishing their company.

 

They Refrain From Discussing Their Intentions

 

How will they react when asked about their intention for wanting something from you?

If one is breadcrumbing, then one will never wish to give you a straightforward answer. They might sidetrack the topic by claiming they are joking or just want to know what could happen.

Indeed, being unsure what the relationship is about is completely normal, but there are instances when it is incredibly frustrating because the other person just doesn’t want to answer.

 

Breadcrumbing In Relationships Can Be Defined Differently

 

Breadcrumbing is not always confined to the beginning phase of dating.

In any relationship, breadcrumbing can occur when an individual is emotionally unavailable yet shows occasional affection to preserve the relationship.

As an illustration, they might pay no attention to all your important conversations, but once they realize that you’ve had enough of them and you’re ready to leave them, they shower you with love.

It should be noted that not every time people are emotionally distant means that they’re breadcrumbing.

People get stressed and busy sometimes.

 

Why Breadcrumbing Can Be So Confusing

 

The confusion is typically what complicates breadcrumbing.

If someone clearly expresses their dislike for you, you have an opportunity to take action. Breadcrumbing involves leaving the door open.

You might find yourself thinking:

•         “Perhaps they are just preoccupied.”
•         “Perhaps they actually have feelings for me.”
•         “Perhaps we will have a relationship at some point.”
•         “Should I give them one more shot?”

These thoughts will help you stay emotionally involved despite an unsatisfying relationship.

If you realize you are obsessed with someone’s occasional attention, it may be better to step back and take an objective look at your relationship. FlirtBate’s post on slowing if falling too fast also highlights the importance of giving relationships enough time to determine whether their actions align with your perception.

 

What to Do if You Are Breadcrumbed?

First, look at the whole situation and not just the one message.

Consider:

•         Do their behavior and words align?
•         Do they try to meet or talk with me?
•         Do I initiate most of our communications?
•         Do their promises ever turn into actions?
•         Have I made my needs clear to them?
•         Am I appreciated, or am I just confused?

If you really mean business, then make yourself clear.

You need not make the person feel as though they have to be your girlfriend/boyfriend; just explain what you want from them.

 FlirtBate’s post on the what are we conversation includes suggestions for initiating such a discussion.

 

Don’t Base Your Relationship On The Times You’re Given Attention

 

When trying to figure out if you are being breadcrumbed, do your best to ignore the moments that make you feel special.

Think of everything else happening around you.

Sending romantic messages to someone does not necessarily mean they want to be your girlfriend or boyfriend. A compliment doesn’t say that someone is committed. One amazing conversation cannot compensate for lack of effort.

If someone consistently gives you just enough attention to hold your interest and nothing more, it is safe to assume that something is lacking in the connection.

Date night doesn’t need to follow a certain pattern, yet mutual interest must manifest itself somehow.

The truth isn’t always written in the next message; sometimes, it is written in previous behavior patterns.