I Stopped Looking and Found Him – A True Story

Sometimes the best things in life happen to you when you stop forcing and let nature take its course. That is exactly what happened to Rachel.

After all these years of looking for love, swiping profiles on countless dating apps,going for blind dates, and having endless “maybe this is the one,” she decided to take a break. No more apps. No more pressure. Simply going about her day.

But then a most unexpected thing happened: she met Alex. The man she had been looking for all these years came at a time when she stopped searching.

Before finding love unexpectedly, some people rebuild their confidence through mature chat, allowing genuine connections to develop without the pressure of traditional dating.

 

The Exhausting Search

 

Rachel had been single for almost six years. She was a prosperous graphic designer, a friend to many, and had a full life but no one to call her lover at the age of 45.

She, just like other mature women looking for love, had been on dating apps and matchmaking sites, even put effort into hiking clubs in the hopes of a natural encounter for years.

She was one of many women who felt like she was doing all she could to do right by her man and getting nothing in return.

She was feeling tired from her relentless quest. Each and every failed date eroded her optimism.  Her experience is similar to the journey shared in “I almost gave up on dating—and then this happened”, where stepping back ultimately led to a meaningful relationship. She began to doubt herself for being too picky at her age, too busy, or if real connection was simply not as easily found. 

The hours spent sifting through profiles, the “rogue” coffee dates and the ups and downs of an emotional ride were wearing her out. She knew she was putting in a lot more effort in finding love than she was in her life.

 

The Decision That Changed Everything

 

On a peaceful Sunday morning, Rachel took a big leap. She removed every dating app and told her friends that she was taking a break from actively trying to find true love.

Instead, she concentrated on activities that made her happy, such as weekend art classes, volunteering at an animal shelter, walking her dog and holding small dinner parties with friends.

She also began to read more fiction, take road trips during the weekend, and, after months of dreaming about it, she finally registered for that weekend pottery class.

It was a day for the first time in years when she felt light. She had no intention of performing, no intention of impressing anybody. She just lived her life. Her friends remarked on it, how much she seemed more relaxed, more present, happier. Her inner peace was evident to all around her.

 

How He Appeared

 

Unexpected love can find you anywhere. For Rachel, it was at a friend’s birthday party. She met Alex, a renowned IT professional, at the party. He was a distant friend of the host, who was also a friend of Rachel.

Through the birthday party, Alex and Rachel chatted about their favorite books, things they had dreamed of doing as children, and much more, for hours on end. No pressure, no awkwardness or “is this a date?” — just natural, relaxed talk, and it was invigorating. Sometimes, simply taking time to chat with girls or meet new people through relaxed conversations can make social interactions feel much more natural before pursuing a serious relationship.

A week later, he asked her to coffee. It was definitely a date this time. The most surprising thing for Rachel was the level of comfortability she felt. As she wasn’t looking for love with all fire in her, she could appear as herself without the common first-date apprehensions.

They laughed, shared stories and found they had surprisingly similar beliefs and values about family, adventure and personal development.

 

Why Stopping the Search Worked

 

Rachel’s story is about the power of finding love when you don’t expect it. The reason why it frequently works:

•         By cutting back on chasing after, you start to become more relaxed and end up attracting the right people.
•         You don’t suffer from dating fatigue.
•         You get partners who like you for you, not for the personality you’ve created to attract them.
•         Unexpected love can be more genuine if it isn’t set up in a situation, but rather is a natural response to real-life situations.

A lot of women in their 40’s and older have similar experiences. As soon as they let go of the pressure to find true love, the right man came into their lives.

 

Lessons for Anyone Tired of Looking

 

For those who are tired of the hunt, here are some easy suggestions:

– Be sure to get a real break. Remove the apps for a period of time and fill your mind with other happy activities.

– Put your money where your mouth is: invest time and money in communities and activities that you care about.

– Be open but not attached to results.

– Believe that happiness is an attribute that attracts positive people.

– Keep in mind that it takes more time than effort. You sometimes have to be the person who is prepared for the relationship you want.

Rachel and Alex have been dating for 3 years. Still laughs that she “stopped looking” just before he appeared.

Alex is easy to get along with and profound at the same time, which is just what she was hoping for all along. They cook together, play on the weekend, they pursue their goals, but they don’t lose themselves.

 

Your Own Unexpected Chapter

 

When it comes to looking for love, perhaps it’s time to stop and live in the moment. The universe doesn’t always play ball with our best-laid plans.

The right person may not be the one you search for when you need them most, but when you are in the process of becoming the best you.